Yesterday I was asked, “what will you say if Scarlett asks why you & Tom decided to get married so early? Do you worry she’ll think she was an accident as she wasn’t planned?”
Two questions that weren’t asked with any malice, it was during a discussion about relationships and life in general, and two valid questions I will have the following answers to should Scarlett want to know…
“I first met your Father when I was five years old and he was six; we had an argument over a soft drink, we both wanted the blue one…that particular brand of drink is banned now but that’s another story!
Twenty three years later we were involved in a show together, a religious show of all things! In fact the oldest show there is, The Mystery Plays, Easter Passion cycle. Your Dad as the Fight Director, and I was a devil dancer (no I don’t know how I ended up dancing either!) we became friends as we got re-acquainted despite Mummy being a smart mouth (you can ask your Father about ‘how lucky’ I was to have his help!). In one of the shows, I had to step into a part after one of the actresses had to drop out 40 minutes before show time due to illness. That illness lead to one of the defining moments in your parents life. The part required some stage combat which your Father taught me in a rather tense 40 minutes whilst also helping me rapidly learn the lines. Just before he left me to it, he placed his hands on my shoulders, our eyes met and he instantly calmed my nerves by saying, ‘Danielle you can do this.’ He had a confidence in me I’d never really had before, as you know Daddy is an excellent teacher, but what you may not know is that Mummy is not a very good student, but Daddy got through.
We became best friends very quickly, spending a lot of time together, we had the same values in life, similar dreams, similar sense of humour, Mummy remained a smart mouth…Daddy didn’t mind the challenge! In the latter part of 2013 we became an item and fell in love. Your father then asked me to marry him in Oxford with the pre cursor, ‘I know this is crazy but…’
It WAS crazy, if you follow all of societies guidelines, we were nuts to decide on a lifetime so soon. But not once have we doubted that decision, we’d both really got to know who we are and what we want during our twenties. We met and our hearts recognised their counterparts in one another. You wouldn’t necessarily believe it now but your Mother used to be quite the cynic, saw ‘true love’ as ‘utter bullcrap.’ We both always felt quite different, like we never really belonged anywhere, until everything frighteningly fell into place with each other. We remain best friends, your father remains my hero. It felt ridiculous that we hadn’t been together for years.
We married two days after my 29th birthday after only a couple of months of planning, with all your family around us, and we became ‘officially’ family, ‘legally’ family, although really we’d become family months before then. It didn’t feel like too soon because it wasn’t, we’d been waiting for each other for almost thirty years.
And then of course the second question. You. Finding out about you was the single scariest and most wonderful moment of our lives. I didn’t think I was going to be able to have children, had from the beginning made your Father aware but it was an issue we hadn’t spoke about in length. And then the conversation was thrust into our consciousness when we both sat looking at a scanner screen and saw this little creature wriggling about, my nausea and kidney infection suddenly explained! We were scared because we instantly worried about being good enough parents, instantly wanted you to have the most amazing life with us. But also wonderful because it felt like a miracle, everything was stacked against us being able to get pregnant with you, it was almost as if (and at this point if you haven’t already, you may fetch a sick bucket…) we’d found each other and you’d then found us. We loved you immediately and couldn’t believe our luck! It was a surprise, a surprise to everyone (except Nana Carol who rather spookily guessed…but that’s why we say she’s a witch…!) most of all to us but the best surprise we’d ever had!
Our little family is the most important thing to us, it may seem like a quick journey but in fact it’s one we’ve been on for the thirty years of our lives. The places we’ve been, the people we’ve met, have all led us to this point, it’s where we’re supposed to have been from the very beginning. If you ask your Grandad Lade, he’ll tell you that he believes in fate and your Mother agrees. The day your Father and I knew we were having you, everything felt like it had finally fallen into place, we were exactly where we were meant to be, and everything else since has just fitted in perfectly around us. We have no regrets about what got us here over the years, and therefore certainly don’t feel like anything has gone too fast. Life is for the living, truly living and that my sweet pea, with you, is exactly what your Mum and Dad plan to continue to do!