All aboard the crazy train…

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In pregnancy and childbirth as with all things, there are risks, dangers and unforeseen circumstances that are risky, terrifying and occupy your mind at 4am. However, this is NOT a blog post about those things. Lord knows all Mothers are able to focus on those things without any help.

What does intrigue me is how many illogical and completely unrealistic worries can suddenly occupy your mind, I won’t open the door to my mind too wide, as none of you deserve that kind of unleashment of crazy; but on the off chance that you also wake up at 2am over similar pieces of ridiculousness, here are a few examples of mine…

1) I have an ‘inny’ belly button. I always have, and it had never really occurred to me that that would ever change. I have never considered outy belly buttoned people as remotely unattractive, let alone put together wrong. But as my bump grows slowly but surely, I’ve noticed my belly button getting shallower and suddenly I wake up in a sweat thinking it’s popped into an outy and will never go back to normal. What is it that bothers me? Do I think I’m going to snag it on door handles or that it’ll somehow be powerful enough to puncture through clothing? No that’s ridiculous…isn’t it? They can’t cut through clothing right?! RIGHT?!

2) I am aware that childbirth is a VERY common worry, including how much it will hurt etc etc. My middle of the night thoughts are much more specific and slightly more sci fi. First off, a bit of background. I don’t have the smallest head in the world, off the rack hats are not my friend. It’s not necessarily obvious by looking at me but my head is actually surprisingly bulbous. My husband also has a head that is ‘circumferencely blessed,’ that is to say, between the two of us, we have a lot of headroom. You get the picture, you’ve probably guessed the problem…we’re not expecting any children we bear to have particularly small heads either. Now in my rather more delicately balance emotional state, where the controls on reason and logic have been completely abandoned, I can only see a huge head, usually the more I think about it, the more it grows, and the more it feels like it could be growing by the second. I won’t even hint at how it affects my dreams, it’s not nice. It’s not logical. It’s not possible…and those people who gleefully tell you about the very rare 12lb babies aren’t helping my imagination!

3) I’ve had several scans now and have seen our bundle of joy on the screen. I have also seen my uterus quite thoroughly as a slight abnormality (I have a bicornuate uterus) means they’ve been thoroughly looking at the entire area making sure there’s enough room/everything’s ok etc etc etc! At 27 weeks, bump is already quite large, in part due to this abnormality and so there have been a lot of affectionately made jibes, ‘ am I sure there’s not another one hiding in there..?’ Oh how we all laugh… However, in my head, my insides are a cavenous world of hidden rooms and secret passages and the several different midwives have obviously all missed the other children all just waiting to show up on the day of birth. In the middle of the night, in my head, they’re just going to keep on coming. I’m not sure when it was that I started believing that my womb was some form of Mary Poppins bag, I assume it was probably around the time that I left the house with two handbags but no keys or purse; that seems a relatively definitive moment for when logic and brain function officially packed up and left. But in my most tired and least sensible moments,there’s not much that can pacify the workings of my mind and I worry how I’ll cope with my troupe of children…

4) Also… No no, I think that’s quite enough for now. I could embellish on how I think every dog I pass is some kind of hound of death, who has waited it’s whole life to unleash every bit of possible violence on me and my unborn baby; or how despite the fact I know that childbirth really isn’t quite so simple, everytime I now sneeze, a tiny part of me expects the baby to shoot out. Or my relatively new theory that if I say something negative about someone, now the baby can hear us speak, somehow she’s going to wait till she can talk before going round telling a friend of mine that I don’t really like her ‘famous lasagna,’ or telling the postman I think he’s unnecessarily abrupt…

There are plenty of things you can realistically worry about based on actual dangers or common troubles of pregnancy and childbirth, I’m not entirely sure how the brain finds magical ways of creating the absurd and the ridiculous to throw into the mix. Maybe it’s my subconscious’ way of keeping me distracted, maybe it happens to every pregnant woman. Maybe, just maybe, when I knocked my head on the train back in November last year, I really should have had it looked at more thoroughly…whatever the reason behind it, worries are at least there to remind us to be vigilant. For normal, sane, level headed people, the easiest solution is to ‘get over it!’ A sentiment I myself have offered to pregnant friends in the past when they seemed to have boarded a train to Crazytown or Irrationalville! But for now I’m just going to accept that I’m on board myself, try and relax, maybe check out the dining car, and embrace the ride. After all, if my brain is determined to ride the crazy train, I may as well travel first class…

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