Does anyone ever feel good enough or prepared enough to be a Mum? This morning I have been up from 6.30am because my darling daughter has been kicking me and I seem to have done something to my shoulder which means my sleeping positions are down from either side as an option; to one side, with a sharp and painful reminder when I try to roll over.
Now even from my limited experience of being nearly 10 when my baby brother was born, I know that frankly – there is much worse to come. Soon enough I will have no sleep AND a little girl who takes away any kind of napping opportunities. But I have to admit, this new lifestyle of no sleep and then keeping up with the day has had a bit of an affect on how I feel. If I can’t manage on no sleep now, how am I ever going to manage when the baby arrives?!
Logically (and in my more sane moments…!) I know that this is a massive life change and the whole point of 9 months pregnancy is for your brain, heart and every other part of your body and mind to prepare; financially, emotionally, physically etc etc. I knew I was going to go from a girl living her life depending on whatever she fancied doing from day to day, to full time Mummy with no real say on how day to day life goes in one completely smooth and flawless step. But sometimes, it’s so difficult to remember that. You have to remind yourself that friends and family Facebook pictures are the highlights from other people’s lives, nobody posts pictures at 4.30am of themselves crying because they just don’t know what else they can do to get to sleep! And I’m the same, I post the picture of a group of friends wearing Big Bang Theory masks having a fantastic relaxed and fun evening; because cut to four hours later and sitting awake in bed in my husbands arms weeping because I’m not sure I can manage with the next day after not getting any sleep, and that doesn’t make for such a socially acceptable picture! Which is why I think it’s so important to catch up with friends and family in real life, over a cup of tea you can smile over getting no sleep because you realise none of you are getting any! And that’s not even just the friends who have kids, every single person is fighting their own battles, it doesn’t matter how happy you are in your life, there are always problems. Life isn’t easy, nobody gets out alive!
So today I feel drained and soon I will leave the house to go to London, not getting home until at least 9.30pm and I’m already slightly anxious that tomorrow night will bring no reprieve. But I’m trying my hardest to not give myself a hard time about that. I have a wonderful, loving husband, I have a beautiful and healthy baby girl growing inside me. And I know that even though I’m tired, when I look back on today, I’ll remember watching the good times with friends and colleagues, I won’t remember being tired. In fact, the truth is, in reality, life is very good.
So I don’t know if anyone else is sitting at home in their pyjamas thinking, ‘no, not today, I can’t today, please not today.’ I say, I feel a bit like that too, and if I could, I’d give you a big old hug! We’re all in this together, this ridiculous journey called life. If you are lucky enough to feel prepared as a Mum, please feel free to pass on tips. So if you can people of the world, put the kettle on, close your eyes, take a deep breath and lets do this!